So here it is. My first post on my new blog chronichling my journey to a new life. Here is what you need to know. I am 33 years old and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have had the same career since I was 18 years old. I am good at it. I am really good at it and I used to absolutely LOVE it. BUT NOW? Now I just don't feel the excitement and fullfillment I used to get from it. Four months ago I went part time just to get a break from the stress of it. At that time, I cried everyday on my way to work. I would be fine when I left my house and the closer I got to the place the more anxious I would get until I would just break down. It was awful. So I went part time and I only work 3 days a week now. It's better, but I still feel empty. I have been going back and forth the last few months trying to decide if maybe I just need a new place to work or if I need to just get a new career. I haven't been able to make up my mind. Then I had the dream.........
It was the most random, vivid and bizarre dream I have ever had. In the dream I was in my car sitting at a red light. There was a guy standing in the median with a little black dog. The dog was cute. It was jumping around and was very happy and he caught my attention and made me smile because I work with animals. The guy caught my eye and smiled at me. He walked around the front of my car and I saw that he was going to open the back door. He wasn't threatening in any way. I tried to lock the door but my hand just wouldn't connect to the button. He opened the door and I could see the dog jumping up and down, excited to get into the car. The guy told me I needed to get out of the car. I told him no. He told me again to get out of the car. I didn't feel like he was carjacking me or something.....more like he wanted me to stay there with him and the dog. That terrified me and the fight or flight reflex told me to fly as fast as I could. The light turned green and I floored it. The look on the guys face will forever haunt my mind. A look of disbelief, horror and shock. As I made a left turn, I looked back and saw that the dog had been run over by a car behind me and my first gut reaction was that I needed to go back and help the dog. Then something inside of me said no. Just keep going. You can't help here anymore. I kept going and I felt uplifted and relieved. Then I woke up.
I don't usually look for too much meaning in dreams, but this one wouldn't get out of my head. As I thought about it, I realized what it meant to me. It meant I needed to leave my current job behind and keep moving forward. SO...here I go. I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. I have a few ideas, but none of them speak to me the way my current job did in the beginning. I desperately need that again. I have my own business selling things I make on Etsy, but it doesn't pull in enough money for me to do it full time just yet. PLUS the things I sell there I make for fun and it would break my heart if my stress relieving hobbies turned into a full time job and crushed me. There is a lot to think about...a lot of choices to make...... here we go.
Let the wild rompus begin.
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